[ his answers are always light and flippant - but something tells zagreus that it may not be the best time for such tones. ]
Than, sometimes you're gone for an age. Other times, you pop out and right back in. I didn't know which one it was going to be, and I... really needed to do this.
[ not that he'd gotten particularly far before being swallowed up by the styx and dragged all the way back to the house, anyway. why is thanatos so upset when he ended up at square one regardless of leaving?
this is all just zagreus' inner voice trying to placate himself because he does feel guilty about how hurt the other seems to be - how could he not? thanatos was probably the only one he would've bothered saying goodbye to apart from nyx if he were one for tearful goodbyes (he's not), and... probably the only thing about the underworld that he'd miss, if he ever reached the surface.
hm.
the thought makes the prince purse his lips, looking uncharacteristically serious for a moment as he considers this. existence is such a drain - such a balance of risk and reward, barter and loss. as zagreus thinks, a pregnant pause follows before he raises a hand to stroke his chin, eyes fixed on thanatos' face. ]
[Leave it to Zagreus to follow up a terrible joke with a modicum of sense. Thanatos is away from the House for long stretches at a time; Thanatos hasn't been around for Zagreus to speak with, to vent to, but it's still—hmm. It hurts, the idea that Zagreus was so willing to leave him behind—and maybe some of that pain is due to the fact that Thanatos is partly to blame. He should have done... more, no matter how difficult it would have been? No matter how much it would have cost him.
And yet Zagreus could have done more, as well, which is why Thanatos bites his tongue, refusing to acknowledge Zagreus' point. Better to stay silent, for a moment; it allows the ache in his chest to dull a bit, becoming somewhat more bearable while he watches and waits and prepares for another blow.
Not that said blow ever comes, because—ah. Well. Leaving with Zagreus is a ridiculous notion, one Thanatos doesn't even bother to entertain; like, it's brushed aside the instant it's offered, something that should be made perfectly clear by the openly incredulous Look Thanatos gives his old friend. He's already mentioned his work? His many responsibilities? For Zagreus to think he'd ever willingly leave them behind...
...Hmm. So what he said a moment before is proven true once more; neither of them, it seems, knows the other as well as they once thought, and Thanatos once again feels so old. So tired. Simply, then, in an attempt to make a point:]
Do you think everyone hates the Underworld as you do?
[ and zagreus isn't sure that he'd really classify it as 'hate', either. outwardly, it might seem so - he's never felt like he belongs, his presence is hardly welcome and he can't seem to master the family business in any way that was remotely acceptable.
but it was still somewhere to belong, if only transiently. it was somewhere that had nyx, that had cerberus, that had than - and the other's presence was enough to make him loosely term the underworld as 'home', as alien as that felt.
crossing his arms, the prince looks somewhat thoughtful, if not just slightly sad for the briefest of moments. he can see thanatos thinking so much and saying so little, just like him, and zagreus wishes he could just climb into that head and pick around the thoughts so he'd be left guessing less. ]
I wouldn't go as far to say I hate it here, but it doesn't feel particularly right to me either. Never has. [ even ignoring the copious familial arguments. ] So, I take it you're not going to accept my apology?
[Hate seems entirely fitting, to Thanatos. Why else would one attempt to leave the Underworld for good? Not to mention the many, many interactions he's witnessed between father and son; like, Thanatos knows that Zagreus' relationship with Lord Hades is, ah, strained, at best, so—hmm. Hate is the only way Thanatos has to qualify Zagreus' actions, given that Zagreus is causing immeasurable trouble for Nyx, for Megaera, for Thanatos... it's trouble all the way down...
But it's as if there's a disconnect, between such a concept and Zagreus' brain. It's as though Zagreus is thinking solely of himself, in Thanatos' opinion, and Thanatos can't help but to bristle. Not feeling right in the Underworld is—well, Thanatos has picked up on as much? At some point in the future, Thanatos will admit that, on some level, he's always known Zagreus would attempt to leave, but now it feels traitorous; it continues to sting, because Zagreus never thought to speak to Thanatos directly. Ugh.]
Does it matter? [A question, sure, but he doesn't wait for Zag's answer before he continues alone with:] I don't think that it does. Leaving is all that matters to you, so may the Fates favor you, Zagreus.
[And with that—poof! To the surface he goes, drowning his feelings in duty.]
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no subject
[ his answers are always light and flippant - but something tells zagreus that it may not be the best time for such tones. ]
Than, sometimes you're gone for an age. Other times, you pop out and right back in. I didn't know which one it was going to be, and I... really needed to do this.
[ not that he'd gotten particularly far before being swallowed up by the styx and dragged all the way back to the house, anyway. why is thanatos so upset when he ended up at square one regardless of leaving?
this is all just zagreus' inner voice trying to placate himself because he does feel guilty about how hurt the other seems to be - how could he not? thanatos was probably the only one he would've bothered saying goodbye to apart from nyx if he were one for tearful goodbyes (he's not), and... probably the only thing about the underworld that he'd miss, if he ever reached the surface.
hm.
the thought makes the prince purse his lips, looking uncharacteristically serious for a moment as he considers this. existence is such a drain - such a balance of risk and reward, barter and loss. as zagreus thinks, a pregnant pause follows before he raises a hand to stroke his chin, eyes fixed on thanatos' face. ]
Why not come with me?
no subject
And yet Zagreus could have done more, as well, which is why Thanatos bites his tongue, refusing to acknowledge Zagreus' point. Better to stay silent, for a moment; it allows the ache in his chest to dull a bit, becoming somewhat more bearable while he watches and waits and prepares for another blow.
Not that said blow ever comes, because—ah. Well. Leaving with Zagreus is a ridiculous notion, one Thanatos doesn't even bother to entertain; like, it's brushed aside the instant it's offered, something that should be made perfectly clear by the openly incredulous Look Thanatos gives his old friend. He's already mentioned his work? His many responsibilities? For Zagreus to think he'd ever willingly leave them behind...
...Hmm. So what he said a moment before is proven true once more; neither of them, it seems, knows the other as well as they once thought, and Thanatos once again feels so old. So tired. Simply, then, in an attempt to make a point:]
Do you think everyone hates the Underworld as you do?
no subject
[ and zagreus isn't sure that he'd really classify it as 'hate', either. outwardly, it might seem so - he's never felt like he belongs, his presence is hardly welcome and he can't seem to master the family business in any way that was remotely acceptable.
but it was still somewhere to belong, if only transiently. it was somewhere that had nyx, that had cerberus, that had than - and the other's presence was enough to make him loosely term the underworld as 'home', as alien as that felt.
crossing his arms, the prince looks somewhat thoughtful, if not just slightly sad for the briefest of moments. he can see thanatos thinking so much and saying so little, just like him, and zagreus wishes he could just climb into that head and pick around the thoughts so he'd be left guessing less. ]
I wouldn't go as far to say I hate it here, but it doesn't feel particularly right to me either. Never has. [ even ignoring the copious familial arguments. ] So, I take it you're not going to accept my apology?
no subject
But it's as if there's a disconnect, between such a concept and Zagreus' brain. It's as though Zagreus is thinking solely of himself, in Thanatos' opinion, and Thanatos can't help but to bristle. Not feeling right in the Underworld is—well, Thanatos has picked up on as much? At some point in the future, Thanatos will admit that, on some level, he's always known Zagreus would attempt to leave, but now it feels traitorous; it continues to sting, because Zagreus never thought to speak to Thanatos directly. Ugh.]
Does it matter? [A question, sure, but he doesn't wait for Zag's answer before he continues alone with:] I don't think that it does. Leaving is all that matters to you, so may the Fates favor you, Zagreus.
[And with that—poof! To the surface he goes, drowning his feelings in duty.]