Ah yes, responsibilities. [ a brief pause, as his odd-coloured eyes meet thanatos'. ever since zagreus could remember, he was a pain to read. ] Might I venture the thought that there's an existence outside of them, even down here?
[ everyone in the house loved to talk of roles and responsibilities; their duties to the great underworld and how important it was that the ecosystem remained in tact, no matter how frayed at the edges it was. not that zagreus is against doing his part, if it were welcome - but hades wasn't exactly doling out to-do lists to him these days. or, well, ever.
thanatos' cutting words don't usually graze the prince much - he'd been prickly since they were children, using his words and distance as a defense against anything that could hurt him. but, this time? he seemed different. something had changed, and it surprises zagreus to feel pained at not knowing what that was. ]
Leaving? On a holiday, I hope?
[ flicking the last of the river's muck into the waters below, the prince then leans on his elbows and fixes thanatos with a searching look. ]
You never stay longer than you have to.
orpheus is getting sent RIGHT back to tartarus, smh
[And therein lies the fundamental difference between Thanatos and Zagreus: Thanatos has never thought of questioning his lot. Why would he? He knows the importance of his role; he knows the Underworld's operation hinges on his performance, and despite the sometimes crushing workload, he views it as an honor. It's about making Mother Nyx proud; it's about serving the Fates-appointed ruler of this realm to the best of his ability; it's about doing his part so that others can do theirs.
So the notion of an existence outside of his duty—it earns Zagreus a quiet tsch as Thanatos' eyes narrow, because while they're relatively close in age, sometimes Thanatos feels so much older.]
Why would I? I go where I'm needed. [He thinks of others, which is why he forces himself to hold Zagreus' gaze as he says, icily:] The Underworld isn't about me, Zagreus. Or you.
[These escape attempts, sir... they have ramifications for all...]
Well, that's always been exceedingly clear. [ a beat - zagreus doesn't look away, but he's somewhat surprised to see how cold thanatos' expression really is. ] Both your overt dedication to the job, and the fact we're all but cogs in the Fates' eternal plan.
[ something's not sitting quite right with him about all this - had someone actually cared this much about him bailing out the window to the surface? and if so, why didn't anyone make that apparent sooner?
straightening up, the prince lets go a short, confused sigh, looking back out over the crimson river he'd only just dragged himself out of. he had expected many challenges in trying to escape - the wretches, the patriarchal wrath, even having to confront meg - but zagreus hadn't expected this. ]
I feel as if there's something you want to say.
[ crossing his arms across his chest, zagreus looks back to those unreadable golden eyes, a measured look on his face. ]
Is there something you'd like to talk about? Because I can tell you're upset.
[Thanatos stiffens ever so slightly at the mention of the Fates, aware that his sisters are incredibly easy to tempt—but he finds himself studying Zagreus as Zagreus studies the Styx? Feels something within him tighten as he attempts to remember how long it's been since they've spoken more than, oh, five words at a time. Not that there was any trouble brewing between them, so far as Thanatos could tell; it was just that Thanatos was... busy. So busy.
And there's the niggling notion that he should have made more an effort, but he ignores it entirely as he holds Zagreus' gaze.]
Now you want to speak to me.
[Ha! How bitterly humorous. It's practically begging for Thanatos to say something about Zagreus' many attempts to reach the surface, to sya that he's shocked Zagreus even has the time to spare, but—hmm. That hits too close to home, really, and so Thanatos releases what is almost, but not quite, a sigh.]
It's not that I'm upset, [he says, tiredly, despite the fact that it very much is.] You should know that... though I suppose neither of us knows the other as well as we think we do.
[ it's always hard to catch than to have a conversation - here's always here one minute, gone the next, and the underworld thinks that zagreus is the one that can't stay in one place for more than a minute. lately, their paths haven't crossed as often, and the rift that's created seems more apparent now, being confronted with a stony-faced thanatos adamantly lying to his face.
once they'd been such close friends - shared everything, grew up alongside each other. had something changed? ]
If you're not upset, then why are you brooding?
[ the very vision of brooding, in fact. ]
Look, I apologise I didn't tell you I was leaving the House. You're not the easiest being to track down these days, you know.
[The thing is—the thing is—Thanatos doesn't view anything he's said to be a lie? It's just—hmm. It's the fact that he thinks he's above the immaturity that is letting his emotions get the better of him; it's the fact that he's yet to examine his emotions, especially with regards to Zagreus. They're dangerous, Thanatos thinks. The sorts of things that push mortals to do ridiculous things, and far be it from Death Incarnate to follow in their footsteps.
(Far be it from Death Incarnate to admit that what he feels for Zagreus is far, far deeper than it has any right to be.)
So his emotions are—he isn't going to talk about them, now. He refuses. It's bad enough to hear Zagreus apologize in such a way, as though it's just... an attempt to appease moreso than an attempt to understand. That stings.]
Finding me was impossible, but leaving the Underworld wasn't. [Isn't. Zagreus standing right here, right now proves that fact, but Thanatos fixes him with a steely look.] If you truly wished to see me before you attempted to leave, Zagreus, you would have.
[ his answers are always light and flippant - but something tells zagreus that it may not be the best time for such tones. ]
Than, sometimes you're gone for an age. Other times, you pop out and right back in. I didn't know which one it was going to be, and I... really needed to do this.
[ not that he'd gotten particularly far before being swallowed up by the styx and dragged all the way back to the house, anyway. why is thanatos so upset when he ended up at square one regardless of leaving?
this is all just zagreus' inner voice trying to placate himself because he does feel guilty about how hurt the other seems to be - how could he not? thanatos was probably the only one he would've bothered saying goodbye to apart from nyx if he were one for tearful goodbyes (he's not), and... probably the only thing about the underworld that he'd miss, if he ever reached the surface.
hm.
the thought makes the prince purse his lips, looking uncharacteristically serious for a moment as he considers this. existence is such a drain - such a balance of risk and reward, barter and loss. as zagreus thinks, a pregnant pause follows before he raises a hand to stroke his chin, eyes fixed on thanatos' face. ]
[Leave it to Zagreus to follow up a terrible joke with a modicum of sense. Thanatos is away from the House for long stretches at a time; Thanatos hasn't been around for Zagreus to speak with, to vent to, but it's still—hmm. It hurts, the idea that Zagreus was so willing to leave him behind—and maybe some of that pain is due to the fact that Thanatos is partly to blame. He should have done... more, no matter how difficult it would have been? No matter how much it would have cost him.
And yet Zagreus could have done more, as well, which is why Thanatos bites his tongue, refusing to acknowledge Zagreus' point. Better to stay silent, for a moment; it allows the ache in his chest to dull a bit, becoming somewhat more bearable while he watches and waits and prepares for another blow.
Not that said blow ever comes, because—ah. Well. Leaving with Zagreus is a ridiculous notion, one Thanatos doesn't even bother to entertain; like, it's brushed aside the instant it's offered, something that should be made perfectly clear by the openly incredulous Look Thanatos gives his old friend. He's already mentioned his work? His many responsibilities? For Zagreus to think he'd ever willingly leave them behind...
...Hmm. So what he said a moment before is proven true once more; neither of them, it seems, knows the other as well as they once thought, and Thanatos once again feels so old. So tired. Simply, then, in an attempt to make a point:]
Do you think everyone hates the Underworld as you do?
[ and zagreus isn't sure that he'd really classify it as 'hate', either. outwardly, it might seem so - he's never felt like he belongs, his presence is hardly welcome and he can't seem to master the family business in any way that was remotely acceptable.
but it was still somewhere to belong, if only transiently. it was somewhere that had nyx, that had cerberus, that had than - and the other's presence was enough to make him loosely term the underworld as 'home', as alien as that felt.
crossing his arms, the prince looks somewhat thoughtful, if not just slightly sad for the briefest of moments. he can see thanatos thinking so much and saying so little, just like him, and zagreus wishes he could just climb into that head and pick around the thoughts so he'd be left guessing less. ]
I wouldn't go as far to say I hate it here, but it doesn't feel particularly right to me either. Never has. [ even ignoring the copious familial arguments. ] So, I take it you're not going to accept my apology?
[Hate seems entirely fitting, to Thanatos. Why else would one attempt to leave the Underworld for good? Not to mention the many, many interactions he's witnessed between father and son; like, Thanatos knows that Zagreus' relationship with Lord Hades is, ah, strained, at best, so—hmm. Hate is the only way Thanatos has to qualify Zagreus' actions, given that Zagreus is causing immeasurable trouble for Nyx, for Megaera, for Thanatos... it's trouble all the way down...
But it's as if there's a disconnect, between such a concept and Zagreus' brain. It's as though Zagreus is thinking solely of himself, in Thanatos' opinion, and Thanatos can't help but to bristle. Not feeling right in the Underworld is—well, Thanatos has picked up on as much? At some point in the future, Thanatos will admit that, on some level, he's always known Zagreus would attempt to leave, but now it feels traitorous; it continues to sting, because Zagreus never thought to speak to Thanatos directly. Ugh.]
Does it matter? [A question, sure, but he doesn't wait for Zag's answer before he continues alone with:] I don't think that it does. Leaving is all that matters to you, so may the Fates favor you, Zagreus.
[And with that—poof! To the surface he goes, drowning his feelings in duty.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
orpheus unhelpfully joins in from the other side of the room
[ everyone in the house loved to talk of roles and responsibilities; their duties to the great underworld and how important it was that the ecosystem remained in tact, no matter how frayed at the edges it was. not that zagreus is against doing his part, if it were welcome - but hades wasn't exactly doling out to-do lists to him these days. or, well, ever.
thanatos' cutting words don't usually graze the prince much - he'd been prickly since they were children, using his words and distance as a defense against anything that could hurt him. but, this time? he seemed different. something had changed, and it surprises zagreus to feel pained at not knowing what that was. ]
Leaving? On a holiday, I hope?
[ flicking the last of the river's muck into the waters below, the prince then leans on his elbows and fixes thanatos with a searching look. ]
You never stay longer than you have to.
orpheus is getting sent RIGHT back to tartarus, smh
So the notion of an existence outside of his duty—it earns Zagreus a quiet tsch as Thanatos' eyes narrow, because while they're relatively close in age, sometimes Thanatos feels so much older.]
Why would I? I go where I'm needed. [He thinks of others, which is why he forces himself to hold Zagreus' gaze as he says, icily:] The Underworld isn't about me, Zagreus. Or you.
[These escape attempts, sir... they have ramifications for all...]
no subject
Well, that's always been exceedingly clear. [ a beat - zagreus doesn't look away, but he's somewhat surprised to see how cold thanatos' expression really is. ] Both your overt dedication to the job, and the fact we're all but cogs in the Fates' eternal plan.
[ something's not sitting quite right with him about all this - had someone actually cared this much about him bailing out the window to the surface? and if so, why didn't anyone make that apparent sooner?
straightening up, the prince lets go a short, confused sigh, looking back out over the crimson river he'd only just dragged himself out of. he had expected many challenges in trying to escape - the wretches, the patriarchal wrath, even having to confront meg - but zagreus hadn't expected this. ]
I feel as if there's something you want to say.
[ crossing his arms across his chest, zagreus looks back to those unreadable golden eyes, a measured look on his face. ]
Is there something you'd like to talk about? Because I can tell you're upset.
no subject
And there's the niggling notion that he should have made more an effort, but he ignores it entirely as he holds Zagreus' gaze.]
Now you want to speak to me.
[Ha! How bitterly humorous. It's practically begging for Thanatos to say something about Zagreus' many attempts to reach the surface, to sya that he's shocked Zagreus even has the time to spare, but—hmm. That hits too close to home, really, and so Thanatos releases what is almost, but not quite, a sigh.]
It's not that I'm upset, [he says, tiredly, despite the fact that it very much is.] You should know that... though I suppose neither of us knows the other as well as we think we do.
no subject
[ it's always hard to catch than to have a conversation - here's always here one minute, gone the next, and the underworld thinks that zagreus is the one that can't stay in one place for more than a minute. lately, their paths haven't crossed as often, and the rift that's created seems more apparent now, being confronted with a stony-faced thanatos adamantly lying to his face.
once they'd been such close friends - shared everything, grew up alongside each other. had something changed? ]
If you're not upset, then why are you brooding?
[ the very vision of brooding, in fact. ]
Look, I apologise I didn't tell you I was leaving the House. You're not the easiest being to track down these days, you know.
no subject
(Far be it from Death Incarnate to admit that what he feels for Zagreus is far, far deeper than it has any right to be.)
So his emotions are—he isn't going to talk about them, now. He refuses. It's bad enough to hear Zagreus apologize in such a way, as though it's just... an attempt to appease moreso than an attempt to understand. That stings.]
Finding me was impossible, but leaving the Underworld wasn't. [Isn't. Zagreus standing right here, right now proves that fact, but Thanatos fixes him with a steely look.] If you truly wished to see me before you attempted to leave, Zagreus, you would have.
[But he didn't! He didn't.]
no subject
[ his answers are always light and flippant - but something tells zagreus that it may not be the best time for such tones. ]
Than, sometimes you're gone for an age. Other times, you pop out and right back in. I didn't know which one it was going to be, and I... really needed to do this.
[ not that he'd gotten particularly far before being swallowed up by the styx and dragged all the way back to the house, anyway. why is thanatos so upset when he ended up at square one regardless of leaving?
this is all just zagreus' inner voice trying to placate himself because he does feel guilty about how hurt the other seems to be - how could he not? thanatos was probably the only one he would've bothered saying goodbye to apart from nyx if he were one for tearful goodbyes (he's not), and... probably the only thing about the underworld that he'd miss, if he ever reached the surface.
hm.
the thought makes the prince purse his lips, looking uncharacteristically serious for a moment as he considers this. existence is such a drain - such a balance of risk and reward, barter and loss. as zagreus thinks, a pregnant pause follows before he raises a hand to stroke his chin, eyes fixed on thanatos' face. ]
Why not come with me?
no subject
And yet Zagreus could have done more, as well, which is why Thanatos bites his tongue, refusing to acknowledge Zagreus' point. Better to stay silent, for a moment; it allows the ache in his chest to dull a bit, becoming somewhat more bearable while he watches and waits and prepares for another blow.
Not that said blow ever comes, because—ah. Well. Leaving with Zagreus is a ridiculous notion, one Thanatos doesn't even bother to entertain; like, it's brushed aside the instant it's offered, something that should be made perfectly clear by the openly incredulous Look Thanatos gives his old friend. He's already mentioned his work? His many responsibilities? For Zagreus to think he'd ever willingly leave them behind...
...Hmm. So what he said a moment before is proven true once more; neither of them, it seems, knows the other as well as they once thought, and Thanatos once again feels so old. So tired. Simply, then, in an attempt to make a point:]
Do you think everyone hates the Underworld as you do?
no subject
[ and zagreus isn't sure that he'd really classify it as 'hate', either. outwardly, it might seem so - he's never felt like he belongs, his presence is hardly welcome and he can't seem to master the family business in any way that was remotely acceptable.
but it was still somewhere to belong, if only transiently. it was somewhere that had nyx, that had cerberus, that had than - and the other's presence was enough to make him loosely term the underworld as 'home', as alien as that felt.
crossing his arms, the prince looks somewhat thoughtful, if not just slightly sad for the briefest of moments. he can see thanatos thinking so much and saying so little, just like him, and zagreus wishes he could just climb into that head and pick around the thoughts so he'd be left guessing less. ]
I wouldn't go as far to say I hate it here, but it doesn't feel particularly right to me either. Never has. [ even ignoring the copious familial arguments. ] So, I take it you're not going to accept my apology?
no subject
But it's as if there's a disconnect, between such a concept and Zagreus' brain. It's as though Zagreus is thinking solely of himself, in Thanatos' opinion, and Thanatos can't help but to bristle. Not feeling right in the Underworld is—well, Thanatos has picked up on as much? At some point in the future, Thanatos will admit that, on some level, he's always known Zagreus would attempt to leave, but now it feels traitorous; it continues to sting, because Zagreus never thought to speak to Thanatos directly. Ugh.]
Does it matter? [A question, sure, but he doesn't wait for Zag's answer before he continues alone with:] I don't think that it does. Leaving is all that matters to you, so may the Fates favor you, Zagreus.
[And with that—poof! To the surface he goes, drowning his feelings in duty.]